3 Things Single Women Need to Start Doing TODAY!

Ladies, ladies, ladies : ). For years I have heard you speak of your desire to be the best woman you can be. I have listened to you express your frustrations on understanding what it is you need to do for yourselves and in your desire to have better and more fulfilling relationships. Today I want to help you move in the right direction so LISTEN UP!! : ) That’s right, I’m talking to you. There is some absolute nonsense you need to stop doing if you plan to make your dream of a better you a reality. As I walk with you on this journey, do not get defensive and do not start blaming men as to why you do what you do. Just take a deep breath and read closely….

1.       

      1. Stop mixing sex with love – like really, how many more horror stories of traumatized women, hurt feelings, and failed missions do you need to hear about or witness before you stop equating love and sex. Men do not do this, so why keep using sex to try to get him, keep him, or justify his existence in your life. This has not worked well at all and it is time to fully accept this fact and stop self inflicting all this damage to your hearts and feelings. I understand sex is also an emotional thing for a woman. I am in no way asking you to separate your emotions if you’re unable to. I’m saying stop getting it all mixed up. Don’t tell me you can’t tell the difference or you’re confused. NO, you are smarter than that and you know exactly what is going on but instead you choose to do the next thing on this list that has contributed to your heart’s demise.

2.       2. Stop lying to yourself – women I know the truth. You ladies are sharp and pay attention to much more detail than most men. You are very smart and very aware of your emotions and the many things that run through your mind. You’re always thinking and processing so you’re much better prepared for what is thrown at you because you typically think ahead. So, why must you continue this pattern of lying to yourself to justify actions you know are wrong. I am not saying men don’t do this to, but I am not talking to the men so focus woman! I can give you all kinds of example of lies you tell yourself but I will save that for another post dedicated to just that. Either way I don’t have to tell you because you know. You may lie to your friends, family, that guy, and yourself. No matter how much you do that, you still know the truth, and you need to accept it. You aren’t doing yourself any favors, and when it all hits the fan, you don’t have anybody to blame but yourself. Embrace the truth, it may hurt, and it may not be what you think you want, but it is exactly what you need.

3.       3. Stop being scared – that’s right, stop operating from fear so much. What you call protecting yourself, I call it fear. What you call playing it safe, I call it fear. What you call gold digging, I call a very smart business move : ). That was a joke, please don’t take that seriously. Anyway, I really feel that women far too often make decisions based on the fear of being hurt. Women also sometimes try to disguise the fear and call it love. For example, you are afraid to leave a man because you don’t want to be alone, so what do you do, out of that fear you lie to yourself and others and claim you love him to validate staying. That is just one example. What women have to realize is that operating from fear is only making things worse for you in the long run. You need to get to a point where you can operate out of faith, and trust you will put yourself in a much better position.

There is so much more I want to say. If this wasn’t a blog post I would get much deeper into this and really get at the root of the issues that haunt not just single women, but all women for that matter. Well guess what? There is a book I am working on that will do just that, so stay tuned : ). In the meantime, take heed to what I wrote today. Some of you may not be dealing with these issues, but if you are it is time to take a stand and make the necessary corrections. You know what you have been doing so far isn’t really working for you, so why keep doing it. It is time to break the cycle and start moving towards a better you which will help also open the door to receiving the right person for you.  

TOP 12 Reasons Good Men Are Single (Part 2)

Ok so I am back to finish my list of The Top 12 Reasons A Good Man Is Single. I believe in personal accountability, so you will notice that I refuse to blame women for the issue (though some do contribute to it). Here are my next 6 reasons:

1.       

         7. He is Gay

      -  Now let me clear something up. In no way do I want you to jump to the conclusion that anytime you see a single “good man” that means he is gay. This is not at all the case, but that does not mean this isn’t one of the reasons a lot of “good men” are not available for women. I want to give honest reasons, but please don’t go around to every single “good man” saying, “oh, so you must be gay” lol that’s not cool ladies.

2.     8. He is not secure financially

      -  Despite what kind of financial status he may portray, a “good man” may not always be as financially set as he would like. A real man who loves his woman wants to be able to provide for her. It does not mean he has to be able to shower her with gifts but he wants to be able to take care of the essentials and a little more. So, if he isn’t comfortable with his finances, he may hold back on entering a relationship. We can discuss whether he should or shouldn’t think this way, but the fact remains it does happen a lot.

3.      9. Sexually he sucks!

      -  I don’t mean that literally, because if he did the right kind of licking and sucking he may be able to overcome some of his sexual deficiencies. I mean the man has no clue on how to sexually and intimately handle a woman. Some women actually allow themselves to suffer through this because he is a “good man”. You may be able to get by on low sexual skills in some cases, but not knowing how to pleasure a woman decreases your ability to keep a woman. Whether it’s right or wrong, sex can be a huge factor in “good men” being single, and not to mention “bad men” having women they don’t deserve.

4.      10. He has been hurt

      -  As many women as there are that carry around emotional baggage from their past, there are many men who do the same. That “good man” may be having a hard time getting out of his own way and conquering his fear of being vulnerable in a relationship. Though I do believe many men simply use this reason as a cop-out and a way to deflect the real reasons. I still feel there are many it does apply to.

5.     11. He wants more than one woman

      -  The simple fact is, a lot of “good men” know their value. They understand they are a hot commodity and they have no intention of not taking full advantage of this. They don’t want to be in a relationship, they want to be with a variety of women and just have “fun”. He may be a good guy but he just isn’t ready or receptive to a commitment right now. Many men feel the need to play the field before they settle down. Being viewed as a “good man” makes it easier to have options and do what they like.

6.     12. He hasn’t found the right one

      -  Unlike a lot of women, most men are not as pressed to find a significant other. We are much more willing to take our time but the desire to have sex usually pushes many men into relationships much sooner than they really care to be in one. A guy knows he has a lot of options, and is less willing to possibly sign his life away with the wrong girl. Women tend to be ready to jump on any guy with a great resume and think here is her chance to finally settle down. Good girl doesn’t equal the right girl and vice versa. I think this is a smart way to approach things, but when you get with a “good person” that is the wrong one for you, you risk turning them, and yourself, into a “bad person” for everybody else.

I’m sure there are some reasons that we could swap in and out, but I am confident this list sheds some light on the topic. Main thing to take away from this is be honest with yourself and others as to what your issues are. Blaming others does nothing to help you control and correct the things you can, which is yourself. Many people want to be in a relationship, but if you aren’t right with yourself, it will be very hard to be right for anyone else

TOP 12 Reasons Good Men Are Single

So, I recently had the opportunity to read a blog that listed 12 reasons good men are single. No disrespect to the author, but I was extremely disappointed after reading it. “Why?” you ask, because out of the twelve things listed only one had anything to do with the men themselves. I mean really, how can you put so much blame on women for your inability to find a mate. Don’t get me wrong, there are many ways that women contribute to the problem. I am simply saying that there has to be a higher level of personal accountability involved. So with that said, here are my Top 12 Reasons A Good Man Is Single:


1. You’re too soft:
- Yeah you have a good job, yeah you’re a good-looking guy, and yeah you open doors and all that sweet stuff. That’s great, and I applaud you for all those things. But at the end of the day, no woman wants a punk, and if you have not learned to balance cherishing your woman as well as putting her in check when she disrespects you, then you will continue to be a lonely punk…I’m just trying to help.
2. You lack ambition:
- So men seem to think that because they are the good guys, this means that mediocrity in other aspects of their lives should be accepted. Don’t get me wrong, some women have ridiculous (at least in my eyes) expectations, but some of you “good men” don’t expect enough out of yourselves. It doesn’t matter what your line of work is, show the drive to do better and be better and you will quickly attract more women.
3. You’re easily intimidated:
- Just because she has a lot going on for herself and portrays the “independent woman syndrome” (I will save the elaboration for another post) does not mean you need to feel insecure and start trying to prove yourself in ways that end up coming off as lame and annoying. Also, a lot of “good men” feel challenged by a woman who can do for herself and they back away at any sight of assertiveness on her end. MAN UP! If you know you’re a good man then just be you and she will figure it out. Assert yourself and watch how well that works.
4. You lack confidence:
- This goes with #3. A lot of guys that are “good men” do not have the confidence it takes to keep a woman. Women love confidence, and if you don’t have it then don’t expect to have her. That confidence actually plays into #1 & #2 on this list as well. You can’t blame women for not believing in you when you can’t believe in yourself. Get it together man!
5. You have no personality:
- Your good job can buy you a lot of things, but it can’t buy you a good relationship. You will have some women who can tolerate you, but you won’t be able to keep her if you have not developed skills like: good conversation, making her laugh, and (not that I’m promoting this but…) good sex. Your nice guy, good job, blah blah blah can only take you so far. Become more well rounded and you will become more desirable and be able to keep the women that your money may attract.
6. You’re just not that attractive:
- I am not trying to be mean, but let’s be honest. Many “good guys” just aren’t always the best looking. There is hope though. If you can conquer the other 5 things on this list, and do a good job a grooming yourself, getting in shape, and having some style, you will easily become so much more attractive. Women are turned on by many non-physical attributes so take advantage of what you can control and you will no longer have to deal with this issue.


These are my first 6 reasons, in no particular order of importance. Not every “good guy” has all these issues, but typically one of these things is present. Don’t be so quick to blame women for your singlehood if you have not properly addressed the things that you can control. For those that don’t fall under any of these reasons, I will cover their potential issues in my following 6 reasons when I post Top 12 Reasons Good Men Are Single Part 2. I look forward to shedding more light on this, and in the meantime, don’t forget to like my Facebook Fan Page: Stephan Labossiere and take a look at my site Relationship Expert…

And The Winner Is.......

Elizabeth Kotkiewicz Hyatt is the the winner of my 1st book giveaway. She will be receiving an autographed copy of my first relationship book How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband


Thank you to everyone that "Liked" my facebook fan page: Stephan Labossiere. I have decided to continue with this giveaway and announce my next winner on Jan 3, 2012. If you are already a fan you are automatically entered to win.


Stay tuned for a new blog post this week, and I encourage you to show your support by "Joining This Site" which you can find that button on the right side of this page. Congrats again to Elizabeth Kotkiewicz Hyatt.
www.stephanl.com

You can’t Change her, you have to Embrace her.

So today I am talking to a good male friend of mine. He mentions that he recently had talks with some women about being in love and things of that nature. One of the things he took away from the conversation is that women fall in love with the men who can accept them as they are and never expect them to change. I responded with, “I agree to some extent, but not completely”. I explained that though I believe that it’s true that loving them as they are is a huge factor and is important, but how can anybody feel like we can’t expect them to ever change. I mean, we all have flaws and things we need to improve. Relationships involve two different people and in order to truly create and maintain a happy & fulfilling environment that there will naturally be some adjustments that have to be made. So we discussed it some more then when about our business.

As the day went along, and I can’t even lie, even during the whole conversation I felt this issue weighing heavy on my heart. It’s like I felt guilty and my response was simply a subconscious attempt to validate and justify how I have handled things at times in the past. I started to really process the whole concept and I started to feel like maybe I really have gotten this wrong. When I really got down to it, the whole concept is not at all different from what I say in my relationship book How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband. So why haven’t I fully applied this, or fully embraced it in some of my situations. The answer is simple, and it is the same reason I feel it would be very difficult for a married man to write my book. When you’re in the actual battle, you just don’t always see things as clearly as you should. You become so caught up in what you’re trying to achieve that you become blinded by winning this “war” without paying attention to all the casualties along the way. So I have had my moment of clarity and I would like to share it.

We as men need to stop trying to change our women by OUR means. We need to accept and realize that insults, complaining, dwelling on the negative, and playing games does not help us achieve the results we are hoping for. Women are not built like us, so though these methods make some level of sense in our head, it only causes damage to our women. You contribute to insecurities and negatively impact her ability to feel comfortable with you. She may already know she has these issues, but your persistence to kind of rub it in her face only pushes her further away from you. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean you can’t express your desires or what you would like from her. You just need to love her properly regardless of her making that change as fast as you would like it, and trust that your love will give her the fuel she needs to make the necessary corrections. Focus on loving her for who she is, and let GOD/Love push her to become what you need her to be.  

In the end I know this is hard, but trust it is what’s best. We have to accept that we can’t change her, only she can change herself. We can only contribute to facilitating an environment to promote it or hinder  it. The better we understand our women, the more we can contribute to having better relationships. A woman has a hard enough time bringing down her walls and letting a man in. Let’s stop giving her more reasons to keep those walls up, and do what we need to do to destroy the same walls that stop us from being able to enjoy the love that we men and our women deserve.    

Side Note: Don’t do this simply for the sake of triggering a change. Do this because it is what she deserves. You can be one of her greatest sources of joy, or one of her greatest sources of pain. It is completely up to you to decide which one you will be.

Book Giveaway!!!

I will be giving away a free signed copy of my relationship book How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband to one randomly selected individual that meets the following criteria:


1. You have "liked" my facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/StephanLabossiere03


That is all you have to do to be automatically entered for a chance to win. The winner of the giveaway will be selected in two weeks on 12.05.11


So spread the word, and below you can view my book trailer. Enjoy!

There’s A Reason Your Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You:

So I’m browsing the internet  looking to see what pops up when I Google my book “How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband”. I come across this article titled Reasons Why A Husband Does Not Want To Have Sex With His Wife. I figured I’d give it a read since it is an issue I have been asked about, and plan to touch on in my next book in the series. It was very interesting to see what was listed as the reasons and there was a lot of truth to it. I decided I wanted to do a blog on this topic and put in my two cents. So below, I will list the reasons the article stated and respond with my view to it.

 

1.     He is depressed and not feeling like he wants to have sex: I don’t know about you, a lot of men I know would love some sex when they’re feeling down. Hell, part of his depression is probably due to lack of sex lol. Now I’m not saying there isn’t some level of truth to this but I believe it is deeper than that. In a lot of cases he may be using his “depression” as an excuse because there are other more genuine reasons why he doesn’t want to “tap that ass” : ). I have seen men get into a “funk” and not want to be bothered with anything. I do believe that many can still be seduced into “giving it up” lol if you know the right buttons to push. Sidenote: if he is clinically depressed then that is a completely different story and that should be tended to accordingly

2.     He is no longer attracted to his wife: now this I completely agree with. The article mentions how nagging, always putting him down, and just being an overall BIATCH (I figured the “iatch” would make the word less vulgar) contributes to a man desiring his wife less. She also correctly points out that weight gain, and changes in appearance contribute to the issue. I know a lot of women & some men like to believe or think that love should be unconditional and not contingent on how much you weigh, and your right. The problem isn’t love though, its sex and sex for a lot of men is not as connected to love as it is for women. A man can love you forever, but putting on many undesirable pounds of weight (key word undesirable, become some men may like the extra weight) will make it harder for him to sexually desire you. So please do not get the two confused. Also, if your going to throw unconditional love in his/her face then look in the mirror and ask yourself why your love for him/her and for yourself isn’t strong enough to want to look your best or at least do a better job of looking good and staying healthy. Let that thought marinate :  ).

3.     He may be having an affair: unfortunately I would have to agree that this is a possibility. I do not think it is the reason you should first explore, but when all else fails then this should be looked at. I cannot condone a cheating on your wife for any reason. I can though raise the point that if he is having one, there is a good chance that your actions or lack thereof have contributed to this occurring. Before you get all up in arms, I want to reiterate that an affair is never right. We just as people have to be willing to be accountable for how we contributed to the issue. I believe if the other reasons that have been listed and will be listed in this blog are remedied than it will go a long way in decreasing the chances of an affair occurring. That person is dead wrong for stepping outside the marriage, but you have to accept that you are also dead wrong for not being the wife/husband that you are supposed to be and that they needed you to be. Side Note: the affair he may be having might be with himself. As in masturbation people. If he is engaging in that too much, it can definitely contribute to him feeling less concerned with initiating or accepting sexual contact with you. So that may need to be discussed.

4.     He could be gay: Or maybe you turned him gay?...No. I personally do not believe a woman can turn a man into being gay. He probably always had desires that he hasn’t known what to do with, or just flat out living a double life that you were completely unaware of. Either way, it has nothing to do with the woman in my personal opinion. With that said, yes this reason could be true but again I believe it should be one of the last reasons you explore. Let me add that if you choose to openly use the gay card, and you’re wrong, you can do a lot of damage to your marriage. So please, even if you’re thinking it, be very careful in how you look into it. Because if you wrongly accuse him you may end up with a new issue on your hands.

5.     He has an undiagnosed medical condition: Yeah it’s called “imsickandtiredofherass-asitis” : ). Seriously, I do not want to dismiss the possibility of there actually being a medical condition. The article mentions a few possibilities, and if the man honestly can’t put his finger on what the problem is then definitely go get checked out. Now let’s revisit “imsickandtiredofherass-asitis”. Understand that if you have been married for many years, and you have repeatedly shut this man down when he wanted sex, you can’t expect that now that you’re ready to be consistent that he is going to be all over it. You have programmed him for letdown, disappointment, and/or very mediocre sex that wasn’t that worth it when he finally did get it from you. That can very well put him in a place where he just doesn’t care much anymore. He doesn’t want to bother with the process or lackluster results. He may then turn to other ways of getting his satisfaction (see #3). One way or the other it is not a good thing and you’re going to have to put in some consistent work to change his programming.

6.     Weight gain and unhealthy eating: this is absolutely true. It is a fact that higher fat percentages can lower a man’s libido. If he is gaining weight and eating bad, then he is probably out of shape and therefore is too tired to deal with sex regularly (too much work). Throw in the fact that a man’s testosterone levels start to decrease after a certain age and that only makes it worse. I definitely believe if you can get him to buy into taking better care of himself and getting in better shape, that it will increase the desire for sexual activity and his ability to perform at a higher level.

 

Last but not least:

 

7.     You’re not as good as you think you are: Sorry to drop that bomb on you ladies, but it needs to be said. The article I read did not include this reason but I’m trying to be as honest with you as possible. Society constantly talks about a man’s lack of performance, and jokes about it all the time (I admit it can be amusing at times lol sorry guys).When it comes to women, you really don’t hear it as much, but that doesn’t mean the problem isn’t as real. I understand that some men don’t need much to be satisfied sexually, but when you’re married and been together for a while, those sub par performances eventually just aren’t going to cut it. It is time to step your game up, throw in some new moves, and do some more things that he will like but isn’t used to you doing. One thing can be to show more passion and be more into it. I understand that how much your into it has a lot to do with what he is or isn’t doing (in and out the bedroom), but you have got to try to be more passionate and engaged in the experience. It’s great that you are now at a point where you want more sex, but the key is having more good sex. This will give him the push he needs to be more consistent, and desire you more, as well as help keep you motivated and willing to participate.

 

So there you have it, I hope this sheds some light on the issue for the many of you suffering from this. There are a lot more women than we think that are dealing with this problem. It isn’t cool when a wife or husband is being sexually deprived. It can open doors to worse things and eventually destroy that marriage. So though I make jokes from time to time this is a serious issue that I would like to see improved. Better relationships will contribute to better marriages, which then contributes to a better society. Sex is an important part of that equation, so let’s do what’s necessary to make things right.

SEX! SEX! & MORE SEX!

No this is not a porn ad, nor is it a promotion for a male enhancement drug. This is the answer to the question I was recently asked to write about “What do guys care about the most?” I’m actually a bit surprised this is still being questioned. Have not the years, decades,...scratch that. Since the beginning of time has it not been obvious that men are driven by there desire of having lots of sex? Seriously, we could say many want power, respect, and success but that’s simply to allow them to get and have more sex lol. I’m not saying this is a good thing, or the way it should be, but it is what it is. So why are so many women still puzzled by this question? Why aren’t many women putting this into proper perspective? Well, let’s see if I can answer those questions and help enlighten those of you that have not figured it out yet. 

8 out of 10 men you meet just wants to get that ass!! I really want to say 9 out of 10, but I haven’t done any official surveys so I’m going to take the conservative route : ). This is what I mean by putting this whole men care most about sex thing in perspective. At what point will a lot of you women understand that you should not be shocked or appalled when a man just wants you for some sex? This should be expected and therefore allow you to understand that if you’re not on that same page you need to take the necessary precautions. Understand that there will be some that start off just wanting sex, and your personality may actually make them want you for more, but that is the exception not the rule. Most men will play the game of wanting more from you, but at the end of the day SEX is what is on his mind and in his agenda; not your feelings, your desires , or your great personality. Which brings me to the next point.

Lying to yourself won’t change the facts. It’s as if so many women would rather convince themselves that the men they meet are actually about more than getting a piece of ass, then accepting the signs and facts before them that say otherwise. Then after they get burned from the situation, they completely put all the blame on the men (it makes them feel better about their bad decision) rather than be accountable for the blatant overlooking of what was slapping them in their face. I know some men play the game very well, but many are too dumb (sorry guys) to have really fooled you. Women are smart (intuition) but unfortunately they outsmart themselves. So as a woman, you need to improve your screening process if you know you are trying to avoid a relationship built on sex. Also, women like companionship and having someone around & therefore have no issue using men as their personal mental / companion whore (friends with no benefits). Be honest with yourself and that man if you’re OK with having that sexual relationship in exchange for satisfying that need. Just understand what you may be setting yourself up for, and don’t turn around months or years later convincing yourself and claiming you’re in love when it was never about that, and has never truly become that. I don’t care how much time you put in, learn to walk away from a bad investment.

With all that said, I know not ALL men are like this. Please though, let’s stop acting like this isn’t the case the majority of the time. Men LOVE sex, accept that once and for all. Even when it isn’t all we want you for, it is still high on the list if not #1 for many. Married, single, it makes no difference. More women would be just as enamored with sex if they actually reached climax as often as men do (and if they can get out of their own way from reaching orgasm…we shall discuss that later). As for those of you who have accepted this, and have even excelled in the art of pleasing a man sexually but wonder “if it’s that important, why isn’t it enough to keep him?” Well, that will have to be answered when I release my next book : ). In the meantime, be sure to check out How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex with You…If You’re Her Husband

Of course she’s crazy!!!

That’s right women are freaking nuts! A majority of them have lost their mind and have lost all common sense. Why has this happened? Cause they were born that way...Ok I’m done venting and being over the top : ). Seriously, I do believe a lot of women could be a bit crazy at times, but I also believe that men have contributed to it very much. Don’t get me wrong, I believe everyone is accountable for their own actions. You control how you handle things regardless of what you have been through or are going through. Still, I think men do way too much nonsense that can be easily eliminated and contribute to more emotional stability in women. The funny part is we as men do what we do, and then complain in amazement that the woman is crazy and we don’t understand how she got like this. So here is some of my input to this dilemma.

Men – if all you want is some ass, then stop playing boyfriend to get it! Really, whether everyone realizes it or not, this is the main contributor to the nonsense that men do and then in turn helps create a crazy woman. How can you think it’s ok to make this woman feel as if she can be the “one” or that you are soooo into her, when in reality your main concern is getting some ass and whatever other benefits you can take from her. You are simply playing with her emotions to get what you want, so do not act surprised when she starts to act “crazy” when you decide to just pull the rug out from under her. You set her up to invest her time and emotions, then basically when you’re done you tell her it was all for nothing. That’s like putting your life savings into something and losing it all just like that, it’s not cool men. If you don’t have enough skills to get some without leading her on, then leave it alone and accept that you’re less of a man lol (I’m joking people, but he should leave it alone). At the end of the day, do unto others as you want them to do to you, or else, be prepared for the craziness you will have helped create. Karma is a b**ch!

Women – stop falling for and believing any man who says the right things to you. I’m not saying be negative about every man you meet (you should always think positive) but it’s about damn time you be smarter about it. Smarter means be patient and let the man’s actions show you something, not his words. Also understand that anybody can do right every now and then. So actions are good, but if it’s not consistent then it’s not enough. If he is really into you, he will have no problem showing it. When men make a million and one excuses, it’s because you unfortunately are not the one, and he does not care to put in the necessary effort, so just keep it moving. At least that way you won’t find yourself months or years later wondering what just happened. Not to mention the amount of denial you will be in as you lie to yourself to believe you’re in love when in reality you’re just very hurt and can’t believe you just wasted all that time and energy.  Bottom line, stop getting involved with guys who haven’t proved themselves to you. If you want to mess with him for fun, then do what you got to do. Just don’t get it confused for something else and then blame men for your craziness when you set yourself up for that crap.

So there you have it. I have never been a man to lead women on (at least not that I know of lol) so I simply cannot respect or defend a man who goes about his business this way. On the flip side, I’m tired of seeing women just continuously fall for the same nonsense when I know that women are much smarter than that. So everyone needs to be smarter and be more honest, and let the chips fall where they may. Now let me go file that restraining order on this woman standing outside my door ; ), again that was a joke lol.

Why Do People Cheat (Part 2: Women)

So last week I broke down my view as to why men cheat. Naturally it wouldn’t be fair to only talk about the men, without properly addressing why women cheat as well. I’m interested to see if any women attempt to argue my upcoming points. Either way, lets get to it.


Your “package” is too small – HA! Lol that’s a joke people! Though it may be true in some cases, I don’t want to minimize the reason to just that. I will clarify and say that a woman being left sexually dissatisfied definitely pushes her towards stepping out a lot more than you think. What do you expect? A woman has needs, even when they act like “it’s not that serious”. Though sex is not completely a physical thing for women, the physical aspect is still enjoyed by many. So therefore leaving her unfulfilled in that area will allow for her temptations to look more enticing. And let’s face it, it’s not like a woman doesn’t have plenty of options if she really wants to.


She is emotionally unfulfilled and lacking a connection – unfortunately, well depending on how you want to view it, women approach sex as a physical act as well as an emotional one. A lot of times you find women in relationships where they have a lack of a connection with the man they are with. In that, they suffer from not feeling as loved and desired as they would want to be. They aren’t receiving the quality time they hope for, and not being tended to the way they would like. So with this, the door gets swung wide open for another man to fill that void. Though the intention is to simply fulfill the emotional needs, this act naturally tends to lead to sex because I already stated, sex is an emotional act for women as well. When a woman is vulnerable, it can simply take the right circumstances to push her into another mans arms and then into his bed (or couch, car, kitchen counter…you get the point).


She is curious – yes, don’t believe the hype that women only cheat when they aren’t happy at home. That’s a bunch of crap point blank period. Yes, I believe that being unhappy at home holds true in most cases but there are plenty of women who just want to try some new “stuff”. We could make the case that she isn’t really in love with who she is with, but still, it isn’t always unhappiness pushing her to the next “experience”. Some women just want to try it out, or give in to the sexual temptation at the moment. If the scenario is one that makes them feel like they can get away with it, then they will be willing to do it. Unlike men, women take their secrets to the grave and know how to properly hide their “wild times”. Seriously, you could be sitting next to the most scandalous woman you have ever known, and never come close to knowing it smh.


All in all, some reasons are similar to men with a few variations here and there. Women are as guilty as men when it comes to cheating, but their ability to hide it so much better has allowed more emphasis to be placed on men. What I stated today is not to condone this behavior, I’m just simply telling you what it is. If we start to make better choices about who we choose to be in a real relationship with, then I believe we can minimize, probably not eliminate, but minimize the frequency that this happens. Because lets face it, many men get into relationships with a disregard to a womans feelings and not understanding and accepting their proper role in that relationship. Many women get into relationships due to impatience, bad choices, and simply settling for a man they have no business being with in the first place. Neither of those reasons bring us any closer to more happier, faithful, and fullfilling relationships. I just hope we can do better and change that.

Why Do People Cheat (Part 1: Men)

So I asked on my twitter for people to submit questions they would like for me to answer. Thanks to @AyoLuckyyBHADD I have today’s topic: Why Do People Cheat. So let me start off with my opinion on a man’s reason for cheating. I’m sure many women just want to jump in at this moment and say its because “men are dogs” “men are evil” “they are disgusting pigs” or “they are never satisfied”. Though some of this may be true (sorry guys) it really doesn’t give the correct answer. So here are a few reasons that I believe a man feels the need to step out.

1.   

            He was never ready for a relationship in the first place – women unfortunately will have to learn to understand that men have a desire to “get around”. Not all men, but clearly a majority. It’s about ego, pride, and plain sexual desire. I’m not condoning this behavior but this is what it boils down to. Society has made Kings out of promiscuous men, and Suckers out of those who keep it in their pants, or hands for that matter. So naturally a man who has yet to get pass this poor perception on things, will feel the need to be “loose” regardless of relationship.

2.       

            He never took the relationship serious, you’re there only for his convenience – the harsh reality is that a lot of relationships that a man has chosen to be in aren’t because he loves the women, or understand what his role is in that woman’s life. It’s because he wants some consistent booty and whatever other benefits you may provide. So a woman asks, then why get in a relationship? Because most men view a relationship as a means to get what they want from you, and in no way are they truly committed to giving you what you really need. Hell they don’t even know what you need, but who cares if the sex is good and he gets free food or whatever. So with that said, cheating isn’t viewed as an issue, just an extension of him getting what he wants

3.      

            You’re not really all he needs you to be – yes women, believe it or not you fall short on what that man truly desires. I’m not blaming you, and I’m not saying that this fact makes it ok. What I am saying is that, women love to think and say “I gave him everything”and that simply is not usually the case. Also, understand that you may have given him everything YOU thought was sufficient, but did you really find out and care to implement what HE feels he needs from you. When you deprive a man of certain things, there are women out there who pick up on that (co-workers, friends, etc); and with their desire to get a man, or simply get YOUR man, will then highlight your shortcomings and proclaim them as their strengths. This then opens the door to the possibility of cheating. I have seen men cheat, then turn around and say “I wish I could just get that from my girl and not feel the need to get it elsewhere”. You may not want to hear that, but it’s true.

Now I just gave you something to think about as far as this topic is concerned. We can get a lot more into this but this is a blog and I have to shorten my breakdown. Feel free to comment and leave feedback. Next up, Part 2: Why women cheat.

He won’t let me go, so he must love me right??

I have heard this so many times from women who come to me for advice. In the midst of battling the reasons whether they should stay in their relationship or if it is time to walk away, they find comfort in believing that the man must love them because he refuses to bow out peacefully. Granted, there are many situations that the man is truly in love with the woman, but do not be fooled. A lot of times what has really happened is that you’re just too damn convenient and beneficial for this man to dare let you walk away. We all see women everyday who basically are the mothers to the men they are with, except sexual benefits are included. They take care of everything, carry the financial burden, and allow the man to get away with way too much. He can cheat on her, disrespect her and break her mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Yet, because he insists that he wants to be with you when you’re ready to leave you actually allow yourself to believe “he loves you”. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t do half the things, I just listed. He wouldn’t wait until you’re ready to leave to finally step up his game, because his heart would weigh heavy on him when he brought you to distress. A man who loves his woman cannot continuously watch his woman in pain and be ok with it. Some situations are not this extreme but the principle remains the same. He keeps you around and fights for you because you’re his meal ticket, and why let that go.


Love has nothing to do with it, and a woman needs to be honest with herself and not continue to feed herself a lie due to her fear of a failed relationship. At the end of the day I, nor does anyone else, have all the facts to your situation. So our opinions are somewhat limited. I do know somebody that does have all the facts, and that’s GOD. So when you’re in a situation where you really don’t know where you stand with your partner, lean on GOD’s guidance. Because believe me, that man can and will say whatever is necessary to keep his benefits going, but GOD will only tell you to do what is beneficial for YOU.

Its Finally Here!!.......Well kinda.

So I finally received the first copy of my book, and it looks very nice if I may say so myself : ). It feels good to get to this point because there were moments where I questioned if I would ever get this done. I knew for a long time that writing a book was something I should do and was blessed with the ability to make happen. Unfortunately the distractions of life, procrastination, and sometimes flat out laziness caused there to be a delay in making this happen. I'm here now though, and I'm proud but I'm not ready to celebrate. I didn't set out on this journey so I can simply say I did it. I took on this task because I truly believe its what GOD has called me to do, and I want to do what I can to improve to current state of relationships. Of course there is the money incentive that comes along with this, but I'm not worried about that because I know it will come. I just hope that I can reach a lot of people and contribute to making a difference. Making a lot of money without having a positive impact on society makes the money less valuable. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to take the money (i have bills to pay people) but it wouldn't be as fulfilling.


With that said, if you have something your working on or has been an idea stuck in your head for a long time now, pray about it. If you feel GOD is telling you to do it, then its time to stop the excuses and make it happen. Don't let fear hinder you from accomplishing whatever it is you were called to do. If GOD signed of on it, then trust that its in your best interest to pursue it and it will be as successful as it needs to be.


You can look to order my book from my site Relationship Expert Stephan Labossiere in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, enjoy the blog and always feel free to leave me comments and feedback. Have a blessed day.

It Can Happen In Any Family

So I have decided to start a blog. I figured it was the best thing to do to help promote my upcoming book as well as give readers an opportunity to get to know me and my thoughts better. With that said, I wasn’t sure what I should make this first blog post about. So many options to choose from, but I decided I would make it about something I feel is extremely important and needs to be discussed more often: Sexual Abuse. I feel as if this is a major issue that happens a lot more than we realize. Studies show that 1 out of every 4 girls will be sexually abused before she turns 18. That’s not even including how often it happens on the male side. It is such an unfortunate thing, but we make it worse by not creating an environment that allows victims to speak out.


I personally have never been abused, but I have heard so many stories, and have met so many people that have unfortunately experienced this. We need to talk to each other and especially our children about this issue more often. We should not turn a blind eye and assume that this could never happen in your family. Studies show that more than 90% of the abusers are people the victim knows, loves, or trusts. Also, understand that this is not just about children. There are adults also being sexually abused, and this also is unfortunate and unacceptable. I don’t have the cure for this problem, but I do acknowledge that by talking more about the subject and being open to the idea that this can happen to anybody can help in possibly reducing the frequency of this crime. At the least it can help give victims the strength to speak out, thus beginning the healing process from this traumatizing experience. For more information on Sexual Abuse awareness you can go to www.darknesstolight.org and take a step towards educating yourself, your children, and your families on this very important issue.