There’s A Reason Your Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You:

So I’m browsing the internet  looking to see what pops up when I Google my book “How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband”. I come across this article titled Reasons Why A Husband Does Not Want To Have Sex With His Wife. I figured I’d give it a read since it is an issue I have been asked about, and plan to touch on in my next book in the series. It was very interesting to see what was listed as the reasons and there was a lot of truth to it. I decided I wanted to do a blog on this topic and put in my two cents. So below, I will list the reasons the article stated and respond with my view to it.

 

1.     He is depressed and not feeling like he wants to have sex: I don’t know about you, a lot of men I know would love some sex when they’re feeling down. Hell, part of his depression is probably due to lack of sex lol. Now I’m not saying there isn’t some level of truth to this but I believe it is deeper than that. In a lot of cases he may be using his “depression” as an excuse because there are other more genuine reasons why he doesn’t want to “tap that ass” : ). I have seen men get into a “funk” and not want to be bothered with anything. I do believe that many can still be seduced into “giving it up” lol if you know the right buttons to push. Sidenote: if he is clinically depressed then that is a completely different story and that should be tended to accordingly

2.     He is no longer attracted to his wife: now this I completely agree with. The article mentions how nagging, always putting him down, and just being an overall BIATCH (I figured the “iatch” would make the word less vulgar) contributes to a man desiring his wife less. She also correctly points out that weight gain, and changes in appearance contribute to the issue. I know a lot of women & some men like to believe or think that love should be unconditional and not contingent on how much you weigh, and your right. The problem isn’t love though, its sex and sex for a lot of men is not as connected to love as it is for women. A man can love you forever, but putting on many undesirable pounds of weight (key word undesirable, become some men may like the extra weight) will make it harder for him to sexually desire you. So please do not get the two confused. Also, if your going to throw unconditional love in his/her face then look in the mirror and ask yourself why your love for him/her and for yourself isn’t strong enough to want to look your best or at least do a better job of looking good and staying healthy. Let that thought marinate :  ).

3.     He may be having an affair: unfortunately I would have to agree that this is a possibility. I do not think it is the reason you should first explore, but when all else fails then this should be looked at. I cannot condone a cheating on your wife for any reason. I can though raise the point that if he is having one, there is a good chance that your actions or lack thereof have contributed to this occurring. Before you get all up in arms, I want to reiterate that an affair is never right. We just as people have to be willing to be accountable for how we contributed to the issue. I believe if the other reasons that have been listed and will be listed in this blog are remedied than it will go a long way in decreasing the chances of an affair occurring. That person is dead wrong for stepping outside the marriage, but you have to accept that you are also dead wrong for not being the wife/husband that you are supposed to be and that they needed you to be. Side Note: the affair he may be having might be with himself. As in masturbation people. If he is engaging in that too much, it can definitely contribute to him feeling less concerned with initiating or accepting sexual contact with you. So that may need to be discussed.

4.     He could be gay: Or maybe you turned him gay?...No. I personally do not believe a woman can turn a man into being gay. He probably always had desires that he hasn’t known what to do with, or just flat out living a double life that you were completely unaware of. Either way, it has nothing to do with the woman in my personal opinion. With that said, yes this reason could be true but again I believe it should be one of the last reasons you explore. Let me add that if you choose to openly use the gay card, and you’re wrong, you can do a lot of damage to your marriage. So please, even if you’re thinking it, be very careful in how you look into it. Because if you wrongly accuse him you may end up with a new issue on your hands.

5.     He has an undiagnosed medical condition: Yeah it’s called “imsickandtiredofherass-asitis” : ). Seriously, I do not want to dismiss the possibility of there actually being a medical condition. The article mentions a few possibilities, and if the man honestly can’t put his finger on what the problem is then definitely go get checked out. Now let’s revisit “imsickandtiredofherass-asitis”. Understand that if you have been married for many years, and you have repeatedly shut this man down when he wanted sex, you can’t expect that now that you’re ready to be consistent that he is going to be all over it. You have programmed him for letdown, disappointment, and/or very mediocre sex that wasn’t that worth it when he finally did get it from you. That can very well put him in a place where he just doesn’t care much anymore. He doesn’t want to bother with the process or lackluster results. He may then turn to other ways of getting his satisfaction (see #3). One way or the other it is not a good thing and you’re going to have to put in some consistent work to change his programming.

6.     Weight gain and unhealthy eating: this is absolutely true. It is a fact that higher fat percentages can lower a man’s libido. If he is gaining weight and eating bad, then he is probably out of shape and therefore is too tired to deal with sex regularly (too much work). Throw in the fact that a man’s testosterone levels start to decrease after a certain age and that only makes it worse. I definitely believe if you can get him to buy into taking better care of himself and getting in better shape, that it will increase the desire for sexual activity and his ability to perform at a higher level.

 

Last but not least:

 

7.     You’re not as good as you think you are: Sorry to drop that bomb on you ladies, but it needs to be said. The article I read did not include this reason but I’m trying to be as honest with you as possible. Society constantly talks about a man’s lack of performance, and jokes about it all the time (I admit it can be amusing at times lol sorry guys).When it comes to women, you really don’t hear it as much, but that doesn’t mean the problem isn’t as real. I understand that some men don’t need much to be satisfied sexually, but when you’re married and been together for a while, those sub par performances eventually just aren’t going to cut it. It is time to step your game up, throw in some new moves, and do some more things that he will like but isn’t used to you doing. One thing can be to show more passion and be more into it. I understand that how much your into it has a lot to do with what he is or isn’t doing (in and out the bedroom), but you have got to try to be more passionate and engaged in the experience. It’s great that you are now at a point where you want more sex, but the key is having more good sex. This will give him the push he needs to be more consistent, and desire you more, as well as help keep you motivated and willing to participate.

 

So there you have it, I hope this sheds some light on the issue for the many of you suffering from this. There are a lot more women than we think that are dealing with this problem. It isn’t cool when a wife or husband is being sexually deprived. It can open doors to worse things and eventually destroy that marriage. So though I make jokes from time to time this is a serious issue that I would like to see improved. Better relationships will contribute to better marriages, which then contributes to a better society. Sex is an important part of that equation, so let’s do what’s necessary to make things right.

Why Do People Cheat (Part 2: Women)

So last week I broke down my view as to why men cheat. Naturally it wouldn’t be fair to only talk about the men, without properly addressing why women cheat as well. I’m interested to see if any women attempt to argue my upcoming points. Either way, lets get to it.


Your “package” is too small – HA! Lol that’s a joke people! Though it may be true in some cases, I don’t want to minimize the reason to just that. I will clarify and say that a woman being left sexually dissatisfied definitely pushes her towards stepping out a lot more than you think. What do you expect? A woman has needs, even when they act like “it’s not that serious”. Though sex is not completely a physical thing for women, the physical aspect is still enjoyed by many. So therefore leaving her unfulfilled in that area will allow for her temptations to look more enticing. And let’s face it, it’s not like a woman doesn’t have plenty of options if she really wants to.


She is emotionally unfulfilled and lacking a connection – unfortunately, well depending on how you want to view it, women approach sex as a physical act as well as an emotional one. A lot of times you find women in relationships where they have a lack of a connection with the man they are with. In that, they suffer from not feeling as loved and desired as they would want to be. They aren’t receiving the quality time they hope for, and not being tended to the way they would like. So with this, the door gets swung wide open for another man to fill that void. Though the intention is to simply fulfill the emotional needs, this act naturally tends to lead to sex because I already stated, sex is an emotional act for women as well. When a woman is vulnerable, it can simply take the right circumstances to push her into another mans arms and then into his bed (or couch, car, kitchen counter…you get the point).


She is curious – yes, don’t believe the hype that women only cheat when they aren’t happy at home. That’s a bunch of crap point blank period. Yes, I believe that being unhappy at home holds true in most cases but there are plenty of women who just want to try some new “stuff”. We could make the case that she isn’t really in love with who she is with, but still, it isn’t always unhappiness pushing her to the next “experience”. Some women just want to try it out, or give in to the sexual temptation at the moment. If the scenario is one that makes them feel like they can get away with it, then they will be willing to do it. Unlike men, women take their secrets to the grave and know how to properly hide their “wild times”. Seriously, you could be sitting next to the most scandalous woman you have ever known, and never come close to knowing it smh.


All in all, some reasons are similar to men with a few variations here and there. Women are as guilty as men when it comes to cheating, but their ability to hide it so much better has allowed more emphasis to be placed on men. What I stated today is not to condone this behavior, I’m just simply telling you what it is. If we start to make better choices about who we choose to be in a real relationship with, then I believe we can minimize, probably not eliminate, but minimize the frequency that this happens. Because lets face it, many men get into relationships with a disregard to a womans feelings and not understanding and accepting their proper role in that relationship. Many women get into relationships due to impatience, bad choices, and simply settling for a man they have no business being with in the first place. Neither of those reasons bring us any closer to more happier, faithful, and fullfilling relationships. I just hope we can do better and change that.

Why Do People Cheat (Part 1: Men)

So I asked on my twitter for people to submit questions they would like for me to answer. Thanks to @AyoLuckyyBHADD I have today’s topic: Why Do People Cheat. So let me start off with my opinion on a man’s reason for cheating. I’m sure many women just want to jump in at this moment and say its because “men are dogs” “men are evil” “they are disgusting pigs” or “they are never satisfied”. Though some of this may be true (sorry guys) it really doesn’t give the correct answer. So here are a few reasons that I believe a man feels the need to step out.

1.   

            He was never ready for a relationship in the first place – women unfortunately will have to learn to understand that men have a desire to “get around”. Not all men, but clearly a majority. It’s about ego, pride, and plain sexual desire. I’m not condoning this behavior but this is what it boils down to. Society has made Kings out of promiscuous men, and Suckers out of those who keep it in their pants, or hands for that matter. So naturally a man who has yet to get pass this poor perception on things, will feel the need to be “loose” regardless of relationship.

2.       

            He never took the relationship serious, you’re there only for his convenience – the harsh reality is that a lot of relationships that a man has chosen to be in aren’t because he loves the women, or understand what his role is in that woman’s life. It’s because he wants some consistent booty and whatever other benefits you may provide. So a woman asks, then why get in a relationship? Because most men view a relationship as a means to get what they want from you, and in no way are they truly committed to giving you what you really need. Hell they don’t even know what you need, but who cares if the sex is good and he gets free food or whatever. So with that said, cheating isn’t viewed as an issue, just an extension of him getting what he wants

3.      

            You’re not really all he needs you to be – yes women, believe it or not you fall short on what that man truly desires. I’m not blaming you, and I’m not saying that this fact makes it ok. What I am saying is that, women love to think and say “I gave him everything”and that simply is not usually the case. Also, understand that you may have given him everything YOU thought was sufficient, but did you really find out and care to implement what HE feels he needs from you. When you deprive a man of certain things, there are women out there who pick up on that (co-workers, friends, etc); and with their desire to get a man, or simply get YOUR man, will then highlight your shortcomings and proclaim them as their strengths. This then opens the door to the possibility of cheating. I have seen men cheat, then turn around and say “I wish I could just get that from my girl and not feel the need to get it elsewhere”. You may not want to hear that, but it’s true.

Now I just gave you something to think about as far as this topic is concerned. We can get a lot more into this but this is a blog and I have to shorten my breakdown. Feel free to comment and leave feedback. Next up, Part 2: Why women cheat.