Monday, November 21, 2011

You can’t Change her, you have to Embrace her.

Man & Woman Embracing On The Beach

So today I am talking to a good male friend of mine. He mentions that he recently had talks with some women about being in love and things of that nature. One of the things he took away from the conversation is that women fall in love with the men who can accept them as they are and never expect them to change. I responded with, “I agree to some extent, but not completely”. I explained that though I believe that it’s true that loving them as they are is a huge factor and is important, but how can anybody feel like we can’t expect them to ever change. I mean, we all have flaws and things we need to improve. Relationships involve two different people and in order to truly create and maintain a happy & fulfilling environment that there will naturally be some adjustments that have to be made. So we discussed it some more then when about our business.

As the day went along, and I can’t even lie, even during the whole conversation I felt this issue weighing heavy on my heart. It’s like I felt guilty and my response was simply a subconscious attempt to validate and justify how I have handled things at times in the past. I started to really process the whole concept and I started to feel like maybe I really have gotten this wrong. When I really got down to it, the whole concept is not at all different from what I say in my relationship book How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband. So why haven’t I fully applied this, or fully embraced it in some of my situations. The answer is simple, and it is the same reason I feel it would be very difficult for a married man to write my book. When you’re in the actual battle, you just don’t always see things as clearly as you should. You become so caught up in what you’re trying to achieve that you become blinded by winning this “war” without paying attention to all the casualties along the way. So I have had my moment of clarity and I would like to share it.

We as men need to stop trying to change our women by OUR means. We need to accept and realize that insults, complaining, dwelling on the negative, and playing games does not help us achieve the results we are hoping for. Women are not built like us, so though these methods make some level of sense in our head, it only causes damage to our women. You contribute to insecurities and negatively impact her ability to feel comfortable with you. She may already know she has these issues, but your persistence to kind of rub it in her face only pushes her further away from you. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean you can’t express your desires or what you would like from her. You just need to love her properly regardless of her making that change as fast as you would like it, and trust that your love will give her the fuel she needs to make the necessary corrections. Focus on loving her for who she is, and let GOD/Love push her to become what you need her to be.  

In the end I know this is hard, but trust it is what’s best. We have to accept that we can’t change her, only she can change herself. We can only contribute to facilitating an environment to promote it or hinder  it. The better we understand our women, the more we can contribute to having better relationships. A woman has a hard enough time bringing down her walls and letting a man in. Let’s stop giving her more reasons to keep those walls up, and do what we need to do to destroy the same walls that stop us from being able to enjoy the love that we men and our women deserve.    

Side Note: Don’t do this simply for the sake of triggering a change. Do this because it is what she deserves. You can be one of her greatest sources of joy, or one of her greatest sources of pain. It is completely up to you to decide which one you will be.


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