Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Why Do People Cheat (Part 2: Women)

Why Women Cheat
So last week I broke down my view as to why men cheat. Naturally it wouldn’t be fair to only talk about the men, without properly addressing why women cheat as well. I’m interested to see if any women attempt to argue my upcoming points. Either way, lets get to it.

Your “package” is too small – HA! Lol that’s a joke people! Though it may be true in some cases, I don’t want to minimize the reason to just that. I will clarify and say that a woman being left sexually dissatisfied definitely pushes her towards stepping out a lot more than you think. What do you expect? A woman has needs, even when they act like “it’s not that serious”. Though sex is not completely a physical thing for women, the physical aspect is still enjoyed by many. So therefore leaving her unfulfilled in that area will allow for her temptations to look more enticing. And let’s face it, it’s not like a woman doesn’t have plenty of options if she really wants to.

She is emotionally unfulfilled and lacking a connection – unfortunately, well depending on how you want to view it, women approach sex as a physical act as well as an emotional one. A lot of times you find women in relationships where they have a lack of a connection with the man they are with. In that, they suffer from not feeling as loved and desired as they would want to be. They aren’t receiving the quality time they hope for, and not being tended to the way they would like. So with this, the door gets swung wide open for another man to fill that void. Though the intention is to simply fulfill the emotional needs, this act naturally tends to lead to sex because I already stated, sex is an emotional act for women as well. When a woman is vulnerable, it can simply take the right circumstances to push her into another mans arms and then into his bed (or couch, car, kitchen counter…you get the point).

She is curious – yes, don’t believe the hype that women only cheat when they aren’t happy at home. That’s a bunch of crap point blank period. Yes, I believe that being unhappy at home holds true in most cases but there are plenty of women who just want to try some new “stuff”. We could make the case that she isn’t really in love with who she is with, but still, it isn’t always unhappiness pushing her to the next “experience”. Some women just want to try it out, or give in to the sexual temptation at the moment. If the scenario is one that makes them feel like they can get away with it, then they will be willing to do it. Unlike men, women take their secrets to the grave and know how to properly hide their “wild times”. Seriously, you could be sitting next to the most scandalous woman you have ever known, and never come close to knowing it smh.

All in all, some reasons are similar to men with a few variations here and there. Women are as guilty as men when it comes to cheating, but their ability to hide it so much better has allowed more emphasis to be placed on men. What I stated today is not to condone this behavior, I’m just simply telling you what it is. If we start to make better choices about who we choose to be in a real relationship with, then I believe we can minimize, probably not eliminate, but minimize the frequency that this happens. Because lets face it, many men get into relationships with a disregard to a womans feelings and not understanding and accepting their proper role in that relationship. Many women get into relationships due to impatience, bad choices, and simply settling for a man they have no business being with in the first place. Neither of those reasons bring us any closer to more happier, faithful, and fullfilling relationships. I just hope we can do better and change that.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Why Do People Cheat (Part 1: Men)

So I asked on my twitter for people to submit questions they would like for me to answer. Thanks to @AyoLuckyyBHADD I have today’s topic: Why Do People Cheat. So let me start off with my opinion on a man’s reason for cheating. I’m sure many women just want to jump in at this moment and say its because “men are dogs” “men are evil” “they are disgusting pigs” or “they are never satisfied”. Though some of this may be true (sorry guys) it really doesn’t give the correct answer. So here are a few reasons that I believe a man feels the need to step out.
            He was never ready for a relationship in the first place – women unfortunately will have to learn to understand that men have a desire to “get around”. Not all men, but clearly a majority. It’s about ego, pride, and plain sexual desire. I’m not condoning this behavior but this is what it boils down to. Society has made Kings out of promiscuous men, and Suckers out of those who keep it in their pants, or hands for that matter. So naturally a man who has yet to get pass this poor perception on things, will feel the need to be “loose” regardless of relationship.
            He never took the relationship serious, you’re there only for his convenience – the harsh reality is that a lot of relationships that a man has chosen to be in aren’t because he loves the women, or understand what his role is in that woman’s life. It’s because he wants some consistent booty and whatever other benefits you may provide. So a woman asks, then why get in a relationship? Because most men view a relationship as a means to get what they want from you, and in no way are they truly committed to giving you what you really need. Hell they don’t even know what you need, but who cares if the sex is good and he gets free food or whatever. So with that said, cheating isn’t viewed as an issue, just an extension of him getting what he wants
            You’re not really all he needs you to be – yes women, believe it or not you fall short on what that man truly desires. I’m not blaming you, and I’m not saying that this fact makes it ok. What I am saying is that, women love to think and say “I gave him everything”and that simply is not usually the case. Also, understand that you may have given him everything YOU thought was sufficient, but did you really find out and care to implement what HE feels he needs from you. When you deprive a man of certain things, there are women out there who pick up on that (co-workers, friends, etc); and with their desire to get a man, or simply get YOUR man, will then highlight your shortcomings and proclaim them as their strengths. This then opens the door to the possibility of cheating. I have seen men cheat, then turn around and say “I wish I could just get that from my girl and not feel the need to get it elsewhere”. You may not want to hear that, but it’s true.

Now I just gave you something to think about as far as this topic is concerned. We can get a lot more into this but this is a blog and I have to shorten my breakdown. Feel free to comment and leave feedback. Next up, Part 2: Why women cheat.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

He won’t let me go, so he must love me right??

man begging woman not to leave him
I have heard this so many times from women who come to me for advice. In the midst of battling the reasons whether they should stay in their relationship or if it is time to walk away, they find comfort in believing that the man must love them because he refuses to bow out peacefully. Granted, there are many situations that the man is truly in love with the woman, but do not be fooled. A lot of times what has really happened is that you’re just too damn convenient and beneficial for this man to dare let you walk away. We all see women everyday who basically are the mothers to the men they are with, except sexual benefits are included. They take care of everything, carry the financial burden, and allow the man to get away with way too much. He can cheat on her, disrespect her and break her mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Yet, because he insists that he wants to be with you when you’re ready to leave you actually allow yourself to believe “he loves you”. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t do half the things, I just listed. He wouldn’t wait until you’re ready to leave to finally step up his game, because his heart would weigh heavy on him when he brought you to distress. A man who loves his woman cannot continuously watch his woman in pain and be ok with it. Some situations are not this extreme but the principle remains the same. He keeps you around and fights for you because you’re his meal ticket, and why let that go.

Love has nothing to do with it, and a woman needs to be honest with herself and not continue to feed herself a lie due to her fear of a failed relationship. At the end of the day I, nor does anyone else, have all the facts to your situation. So our opinions are somewhat limited. I do know somebody that does have all the facts, and that’s GOD. So when you’re in a situation where you really don’t know where you stand with your partner, lean on GOD’s guidance. Because believe me, that man can and will say whatever is necessary to keep his benefits going, but GOD will only tell you to do what is beneficial for YOU.