There’s A Reason Your Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You:

So I’m browsing the internet  looking to see what pops up when I Google my book “How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex With You…If You’re Her Husband”. I come across this article titled Reasons Why A Husband Does Not Want To Have Sex With His Wife. I figured I’d give it a read since it is an issue I have been asked about, and plan to touch on in my next book in the series. It was very interesting to see what was listed as the reasons and there was a lot of truth to it. I decided I wanted to do a blog on this topic and put in my two cents. So below, I will list the reasons the article stated and respond with my view to it.

 

1.     He is depressed and not feeling like he wants to have sex: I don’t know about you, a lot of men I know would love some sex when they’re feeling down. Hell, part of his depression is probably due to lack of sex lol. Now I’m not saying there isn’t some level of truth to this but I believe it is deeper than that. In a lot of cases he may be using his “depression” as an excuse because there are other more genuine reasons why he doesn’t want to “tap that ass” : ). I have seen men get into a “funk” and not want to be bothered with anything. I do believe that many can still be seduced into “giving it up” lol if you know the right buttons to push. Sidenote: if he is clinically depressed then that is a completely different story and that should be tended to accordingly

2.     He is no longer attracted to his wife: now this I completely agree with. The article mentions how nagging, always putting him down, and just being an overall BIATCH (I figured the “iatch” would make the word less vulgar) contributes to a man desiring his wife less. She also correctly points out that weight gain, and changes in appearance contribute to the issue. I know a lot of women & some men like to believe or think that love should be unconditional and not contingent on how much you weigh, and your right. The problem isn’t love though, its sex and sex for a lot of men is not as connected to love as it is for women. A man can love you forever, but putting on many undesirable pounds of weight (key word undesirable, become some men may like the extra weight) will make it harder for him to sexually desire you. So please do not get the two confused. Also, if your going to throw unconditional love in his/her face then look in the mirror and ask yourself why your love for him/her and for yourself isn’t strong enough to want to look your best or at least do a better job of looking good and staying healthy. Let that thought marinate :  ).

3.     He may be having an affair: unfortunately I would have to agree that this is a possibility. I do not think it is the reason you should first explore, but when all else fails then this should be looked at. I cannot condone a cheating on your wife for any reason. I can though raise the point that if he is having one, there is a good chance that your actions or lack thereof have contributed to this occurring. Before you get all up in arms, I want to reiterate that an affair is never right. We just as people have to be willing to be accountable for how we contributed to the issue. I believe if the other reasons that have been listed and will be listed in this blog are remedied than it will go a long way in decreasing the chances of an affair occurring. That person is dead wrong for stepping outside the marriage, but you have to accept that you are also dead wrong for not being the wife/husband that you are supposed to be and that they needed you to be. Side Note: the affair he may be having might be with himself. As in masturbation people. If he is engaging in that too much, it can definitely contribute to him feeling less concerned with initiating or accepting sexual contact with you. So that may need to be discussed.

4.     He could be gay: Or maybe you turned him gay?...No. I personally do not believe a woman can turn a man into being gay. He probably always had desires that he hasn’t known what to do with, or just flat out living a double life that you were completely unaware of. Either way, it has nothing to do with the woman in my personal opinion. With that said, yes this reason could be true but again I believe it should be one of the last reasons you explore. Let me add that if you choose to openly use the gay card, and you’re wrong, you can do a lot of damage to your marriage. So please, even if you’re thinking it, be very careful in how you look into it. Because if you wrongly accuse him you may end up with a new issue on your hands.

5.     He has an undiagnosed medical condition: Yeah it’s called “imsickandtiredofherass-asitis” : ). Seriously, I do not want to dismiss the possibility of there actually being a medical condition. The article mentions a few possibilities, and if the man honestly can’t put his finger on what the problem is then definitely go get checked out. Now let’s revisit “imsickandtiredofherass-asitis”. Understand that if you have been married for many years, and you have repeatedly shut this man down when he wanted sex, you can’t expect that now that you’re ready to be consistent that he is going to be all over it. You have programmed him for letdown, disappointment, and/or very mediocre sex that wasn’t that worth it when he finally did get it from you. That can very well put him in a place where he just doesn’t care much anymore. He doesn’t want to bother with the process or lackluster results. He may then turn to other ways of getting his satisfaction (see #3). One way or the other it is not a good thing and you’re going to have to put in some consistent work to change his programming.

6.     Weight gain and unhealthy eating: this is absolutely true. It is a fact that higher fat percentages can lower a man’s libido. If he is gaining weight and eating bad, then he is probably out of shape and therefore is too tired to deal with sex regularly (too much work). Throw in the fact that a man’s testosterone levels start to decrease after a certain age and that only makes it worse. I definitely believe if you can get him to buy into taking better care of himself and getting in better shape, that it will increase the desire for sexual activity and his ability to perform at a higher level.

 

Last but not least:

 

7.     You’re not as good as you think you are: Sorry to drop that bomb on you ladies, but it needs to be said. The article I read did not include this reason but I’m trying to be as honest with you as possible. Society constantly talks about a man’s lack of performance, and jokes about it all the time (I admit it can be amusing at times lol sorry guys).When it comes to women, you really don’t hear it as much, but that doesn’t mean the problem isn’t as real. I understand that some men don’t need much to be satisfied sexually, but when you’re married and been together for a while, those sub par performances eventually just aren’t going to cut it. It is time to step your game up, throw in some new moves, and do some more things that he will like but isn’t used to you doing. One thing can be to show more passion and be more into it. I understand that how much your into it has a lot to do with what he is or isn’t doing (in and out the bedroom), but you have got to try to be more passionate and engaged in the experience. It’s great that you are now at a point where you want more sex, but the key is having more good sex. This will give him the push he needs to be more consistent, and desire you more, as well as help keep you motivated and willing to participate.

 

So there you have it, I hope this sheds some light on the issue for the many of you suffering from this. There are a lot more women than we think that are dealing with this problem. It isn’t cool when a wife or husband is being sexually deprived. It can open doors to worse things and eventually destroy that marriage. So though I make jokes from time to time this is a serious issue that I would like to see improved. Better relationships will contribute to better marriages, which then contributes to a better society. Sex is an important part of that equation, so let’s do what’s necessary to make things right.

SEX! SEX! & MORE SEX!

No this is not a porn ad, nor is it a promotion for a male enhancement drug. This is the answer to the question I was recently asked to write about “What do guys care about the most?” I’m actually a bit surprised this is still being questioned. Have not the years, decades,...scratch that. Since the beginning of time has it not been obvious that men are driven by there desire of having lots of sex? Seriously, we could say many want power, respect, and success but that’s simply to allow them to get and have more sex lol. I’m not saying this is a good thing, or the way it should be, but it is what it is. So why are so many women still puzzled by this question? Why aren’t many women putting this into proper perspective? Well, let’s see if I can answer those questions and help enlighten those of you that have not figured it out yet. 

8 out of 10 men you meet just wants to get that ass!! I really want to say 9 out of 10, but I haven’t done any official surveys so I’m going to take the conservative route : ). This is what I mean by putting this whole men care most about sex thing in perspective. At what point will a lot of you women understand that you should not be shocked or appalled when a man just wants you for some sex? This should be expected and therefore allow you to understand that if you’re not on that same page you need to take the necessary precautions. Understand that there will be some that start off just wanting sex, and your personality may actually make them want you for more, but that is the exception not the rule. Most men will play the game of wanting more from you, but at the end of the day SEX is what is on his mind and in his agenda; not your feelings, your desires , or your great personality. Which brings me to the next point.

Lying to yourself won’t change the facts. It’s as if so many women would rather convince themselves that the men they meet are actually about more than getting a piece of ass, then accepting the signs and facts before them that say otherwise. Then after they get burned from the situation, they completely put all the blame on the men (it makes them feel better about their bad decision) rather than be accountable for the blatant overlooking of what was slapping them in their face. I know some men play the game very well, but many are too dumb (sorry guys) to have really fooled you. Women are smart (intuition) but unfortunately they outsmart themselves. So as a woman, you need to improve your screening process if you know you are trying to avoid a relationship built on sex. Also, women like companionship and having someone around & therefore have no issue using men as their personal mental / companion whore (friends with no benefits). Be honest with yourself and that man if you’re OK with having that sexual relationship in exchange for satisfying that need. Just understand what you may be setting yourself up for, and don’t turn around months or years later convincing yourself and claiming you’re in love when it was never about that, and has never truly become that. I don’t care how much time you put in, learn to walk away from a bad investment.

With all that said, I know not ALL men are like this. Please though, let’s stop acting like this isn’t the case the majority of the time. Men LOVE sex, accept that once and for all. Even when it isn’t all we want you for, it is still high on the list if not #1 for many. Married, single, it makes no difference. More women would be just as enamored with sex if they actually reached climax as often as men do (and if they can get out of their own way from reaching orgasm…we shall discuss that later). As for those of you who have accepted this, and have even excelled in the art of pleasing a man sexually but wonder “if it’s that important, why isn’t it enough to keep him?” Well, that will have to be answered when I release my next book : ). In the meantime, be sure to check out How To Get A Married Woman To Have Sex with You…If You’re Her Husband

Of course she’s crazy!!!

That’s right women are freaking nuts! A majority of them have lost their mind and have lost all common sense. Why has this happened? Cause they were born that way...Ok I’m done venting and being over the top : ). Seriously, I do believe a lot of women could be a bit crazy at times, but I also believe that men have contributed to it very much. Don’t get me wrong, I believe everyone is accountable for their own actions. You control how you handle things regardless of what you have been through or are going through. Still, I think men do way too much nonsense that can be easily eliminated and contribute to more emotional stability in women. The funny part is we as men do what we do, and then complain in amazement that the woman is crazy and we don’t understand how she got like this. So here is some of my input to this dilemma.

Men – if all you want is some ass, then stop playing boyfriend to get it! Really, whether everyone realizes it or not, this is the main contributor to the nonsense that men do and then in turn helps create a crazy woman. How can you think it’s ok to make this woman feel as if she can be the “one” or that you are soooo into her, when in reality your main concern is getting some ass and whatever other benefits you can take from her. You are simply playing with her emotions to get what you want, so do not act surprised when she starts to act “crazy” when you decide to just pull the rug out from under her. You set her up to invest her time and emotions, then basically when you’re done you tell her it was all for nothing. That’s like putting your life savings into something and losing it all just like that, it’s not cool men. If you don’t have enough skills to get some without leading her on, then leave it alone and accept that you’re less of a man lol (I’m joking people, but he should leave it alone). At the end of the day, do unto others as you want them to do to you, or else, be prepared for the craziness you will have helped create. Karma is a b**ch!

Women – stop falling for and believing any man who says the right things to you. I’m not saying be negative about every man you meet (you should always think positive) but it’s about damn time you be smarter about it. Smarter means be patient and let the man’s actions show you something, not his words. Also understand that anybody can do right every now and then. So actions are good, but if it’s not consistent then it’s not enough. If he is really into you, he will have no problem showing it. When men make a million and one excuses, it’s because you unfortunately are not the one, and he does not care to put in the necessary effort, so just keep it moving. At least that way you won’t find yourself months or years later wondering what just happened. Not to mention the amount of denial you will be in as you lie to yourself to believe you’re in love when in reality you’re just very hurt and can’t believe you just wasted all that time and energy.  Bottom line, stop getting involved with guys who haven’t proved themselves to you. If you want to mess with him for fun, then do what you got to do. Just don’t get it confused for something else and then blame men for your craziness when you set yourself up for that crap.

So there you have it. I have never been a man to lead women on (at least not that I know of lol) so I simply cannot respect or defend a man who goes about his business this way. On the flip side, I’m tired of seeing women just continuously fall for the same nonsense when I know that women are much smarter than that. So everyone needs to be smarter and be more honest, and let the chips fall where they may. Now let me go file that restraining order on this woman standing outside my door ; ), again that was a joke lol.