3 Things Single Women Need to Start Doing TODAY!

Ladies, ladies, ladies : ). For years I have heard you speak of your desire to be the best woman you can be. I have listened to you express your frustrations on understanding what it is you need to do for yourselves and in your desire to have better and more fulfilling relationships. Today I want to help you move in the right direction so LISTEN UP!! : ) That’s right, I’m talking to you. There is some absolute nonsense you need to stop doing if you plan to make your dream of a better you a reality. As I walk with you on this journey, do not get defensive and do not start blaming men as to why you do what you do. Just take a deep breath and read closely….

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      1. Stop mixing sex with love – like really, how many more horror stories of traumatized women, hurt feelings, and failed missions do you need to hear about or witness before you stop equating love and sex. Men do not do this, so why keep using sex to try to get him, keep him, or justify his existence in your life. This has not worked well at all and it is time to fully accept this fact and stop self inflicting all this damage to your hearts and feelings. I understand sex is also an emotional thing for a woman. I am in no way asking you to separate your emotions if you’re unable to. I’m saying stop getting it all mixed up. Don’t tell me you can’t tell the difference or you’re confused. NO, you are smarter than that and you know exactly what is going on but instead you choose to do the next thing on this list that has contributed to your heart’s demise.

2.       2. Stop lying to yourself – women I know the truth. You ladies are sharp and pay attention to much more detail than most men. You are very smart and very aware of your emotions and the many things that run through your mind. You’re always thinking and processing so you’re much better prepared for what is thrown at you because you typically think ahead. So, why must you continue this pattern of lying to yourself to justify actions you know are wrong. I am not saying men don’t do this to, but I am not talking to the men so focus woman! I can give you all kinds of example of lies you tell yourself but I will save that for another post dedicated to just that. Either way I don’t have to tell you because you know. You may lie to your friends, family, that guy, and yourself. No matter how much you do that, you still know the truth, and you need to accept it. You aren’t doing yourself any favors, and when it all hits the fan, you don’t have anybody to blame but yourself. Embrace the truth, it may hurt, and it may not be what you think you want, but it is exactly what you need.

3.       3. Stop being scared – that’s right, stop operating from fear so much. What you call protecting yourself, I call it fear. What you call playing it safe, I call it fear. What you call gold digging, I call a very smart business move : ). That was a joke, please don’t take that seriously. Anyway, I really feel that women far too often make decisions based on the fear of being hurt. Women also sometimes try to disguise the fear and call it love. For example, you are afraid to leave a man because you don’t want to be alone, so what do you do, out of that fear you lie to yourself and others and claim you love him to validate staying. That is just one example. What women have to realize is that operating from fear is only making things worse for you in the long run. You need to get to a point where you can operate out of faith, and trust you will put yourself in a much better position.

There is so much more I want to say. If this wasn’t a blog post I would get much deeper into this and really get at the root of the issues that haunt not just single women, but all women for that matter. Well guess what? There is a book I am working on that will do just that, so stay tuned : ). In the meantime, take heed to what I wrote today. Some of you may not be dealing with these issues, but if you are it is time to take a stand and make the necessary corrections. You know what you have been doing so far isn’t really working for you, so why keep doing it. It is time to break the cycle and start moving towards a better you which will help also open the door to receiving the right person for you.  

Of course she’s crazy!!!

That’s right women are freaking nuts! A majority of them have lost their mind and have lost all common sense. Why has this happened? Cause they were born that way...Ok I’m done venting and being over the top : ). Seriously, I do believe a lot of women could be a bit crazy at times, but I also believe that men have contributed to it very much. Don’t get me wrong, I believe everyone is accountable for their own actions. You control how you handle things regardless of what you have been through or are going through. Still, I think men do way too much nonsense that can be easily eliminated and contribute to more emotional stability in women. The funny part is we as men do what we do, and then complain in amazement that the woman is crazy and we don’t understand how she got like this. So here is some of my input to this dilemma.

Men – if all you want is some ass, then stop playing boyfriend to get it! Really, whether everyone realizes it or not, this is the main contributor to the nonsense that men do and then in turn helps create a crazy woman. How can you think it’s ok to make this woman feel as if she can be the “one” or that you are soooo into her, when in reality your main concern is getting some ass and whatever other benefits you can take from her. You are simply playing with her emotions to get what you want, so do not act surprised when she starts to act “crazy” when you decide to just pull the rug out from under her. You set her up to invest her time and emotions, then basically when you’re done you tell her it was all for nothing. That’s like putting your life savings into something and losing it all just like that, it’s not cool men. If you don’t have enough skills to get some without leading her on, then leave it alone and accept that you’re less of a man lol (I’m joking people, but he should leave it alone). At the end of the day, do unto others as you want them to do to you, or else, be prepared for the craziness you will have helped create. Karma is a b**ch!

Women – stop falling for and believing any man who says the right things to you. I’m not saying be negative about every man you meet (you should always think positive) but it’s about damn time you be smarter about it. Smarter means be patient and let the man’s actions show you something, not his words. Also understand that anybody can do right every now and then. So actions are good, but if it’s not consistent then it’s not enough. If he is really into you, he will have no problem showing it. When men make a million and one excuses, it’s because you unfortunately are not the one, and he does not care to put in the necessary effort, so just keep it moving. At least that way you won’t find yourself months or years later wondering what just happened. Not to mention the amount of denial you will be in as you lie to yourself to believe you’re in love when in reality you’re just very hurt and can’t believe you just wasted all that time and energy.  Bottom line, stop getting involved with guys who haven’t proved themselves to you. If you want to mess with him for fun, then do what you got to do. Just don’t get it confused for something else and then blame men for your craziness when you set yourself up for that crap.

So there you have it. I have never been a man to lead women on (at least not that I know of lol) so I simply cannot respect or defend a man who goes about his business this way. On the flip side, I’m tired of seeing women just continuously fall for the same nonsense when I know that women are much smarter than that. So everyone needs to be smarter and be more honest, and let the chips fall where they may. Now let me go file that restraining order on this woman standing outside my door ; ), again that was a joke lol.

Why Do People Cheat (Part 2: Women)

So last week I broke down my view as to why men cheat. Naturally it wouldn’t be fair to only talk about the men, without properly addressing why women cheat as well. I’m interested to see if any women attempt to argue my upcoming points. Either way, lets get to it.


Your “package” is too small – HA! Lol that’s a joke people! Though it may be true in some cases, I don’t want to minimize the reason to just that. I will clarify and say that a woman being left sexually dissatisfied definitely pushes her towards stepping out a lot more than you think. What do you expect? A woman has needs, even when they act like “it’s not that serious”. Though sex is not completely a physical thing for women, the physical aspect is still enjoyed by many. So therefore leaving her unfulfilled in that area will allow for her temptations to look more enticing. And let’s face it, it’s not like a woman doesn’t have plenty of options if she really wants to.


She is emotionally unfulfilled and lacking a connection – unfortunately, well depending on how you want to view it, women approach sex as a physical act as well as an emotional one. A lot of times you find women in relationships where they have a lack of a connection with the man they are with. In that, they suffer from not feeling as loved and desired as they would want to be. They aren’t receiving the quality time they hope for, and not being tended to the way they would like. So with this, the door gets swung wide open for another man to fill that void. Though the intention is to simply fulfill the emotional needs, this act naturally tends to lead to sex because I already stated, sex is an emotional act for women as well. When a woman is vulnerable, it can simply take the right circumstances to push her into another mans arms and then into his bed (or couch, car, kitchen counter…you get the point).


She is curious – yes, don’t believe the hype that women only cheat when they aren’t happy at home. That’s a bunch of crap point blank period. Yes, I believe that being unhappy at home holds true in most cases but there are plenty of women who just want to try some new “stuff”. We could make the case that she isn’t really in love with who she is with, but still, it isn’t always unhappiness pushing her to the next “experience”. Some women just want to try it out, or give in to the sexual temptation at the moment. If the scenario is one that makes them feel like they can get away with it, then they will be willing to do it. Unlike men, women take their secrets to the grave and know how to properly hide their “wild times”. Seriously, you could be sitting next to the most scandalous woman you have ever known, and never come close to knowing it smh.


All in all, some reasons are similar to men with a few variations here and there. Women are as guilty as men when it comes to cheating, but their ability to hide it so much better has allowed more emphasis to be placed on men. What I stated today is not to condone this behavior, I’m just simply telling you what it is. If we start to make better choices about who we choose to be in a real relationship with, then I believe we can minimize, probably not eliminate, but minimize the frequency that this happens. Because lets face it, many men get into relationships with a disregard to a womans feelings and not understanding and accepting their proper role in that relationship. Many women get into relationships due to impatience, bad choices, and simply settling for a man they have no business being with in the first place. Neither of those reasons bring us any closer to more happier, faithful, and fullfilling relationships. I just hope we can do better and change that.

Why Do People Cheat (Part 1: Men)

So I asked on my twitter for people to submit questions they would like for me to answer. Thanks to @AyoLuckyyBHADD I have today’s topic: Why Do People Cheat. So let me start off with my opinion on a man’s reason for cheating. I’m sure many women just want to jump in at this moment and say its because “men are dogs” “men are evil” “they are disgusting pigs” or “they are never satisfied”. Though some of this may be true (sorry guys) it really doesn’t give the correct answer. So here are a few reasons that I believe a man feels the need to step out.

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            He was never ready for a relationship in the first place – women unfortunately will have to learn to understand that men have a desire to “get around”. Not all men, but clearly a majority. It’s about ego, pride, and plain sexual desire. I’m not condoning this behavior but this is what it boils down to. Society has made Kings out of promiscuous men, and Suckers out of those who keep it in their pants, or hands for that matter. So naturally a man who has yet to get pass this poor perception on things, will feel the need to be “loose” regardless of relationship.

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            He never took the relationship serious, you’re there only for his convenience – the harsh reality is that a lot of relationships that a man has chosen to be in aren’t because he loves the women, or understand what his role is in that woman’s life. It’s because he wants some consistent booty and whatever other benefits you may provide. So a woman asks, then why get in a relationship? Because most men view a relationship as a means to get what they want from you, and in no way are they truly committed to giving you what you really need. Hell they don’t even know what you need, but who cares if the sex is good and he gets free food or whatever. So with that said, cheating isn’t viewed as an issue, just an extension of him getting what he wants

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            You’re not really all he needs you to be – yes women, believe it or not you fall short on what that man truly desires. I’m not blaming you, and I’m not saying that this fact makes it ok. What I am saying is that, women love to think and say “I gave him everything”and that simply is not usually the case. Also, understand that you may have given him everything YOU thought was sufficient, but did you really find out and care to implement what HE feels he needs from you. When you deprive a man of certain things, there are women out there who pick up on that (co-workers, friends, etc); and with their desire to get a man, or simply get YOUR man, will then highlight your shortcomings and proclaim them as their strengths. This then opens the door to the possibility of cheating. I have seen men cheat, then turn around and say “I wish I could just get that from my girl and not feel the need to get it elsewhere”. You may not want to hear that, but it’s true.

Now I just gave you something to think about as far as this topic is concerned. We can get a lot more into this but this is a blog and I have to shorten my breakdown. Feel free to comment and leave feedback. Next up, Part 2: Why women cheat.

He won’t let me go, so he must love me right??

I have heard this so many times from women who come to me for advice. In the midst of battling the reasons whether they should stay in their relationship or if it is time to walk away, they find comfort in believing that the man must love them because he refuses to bow out peacefully. Granted, there are many situations that the man is truly in love with the woman, but do not be fooled. A lot of times what has really happened is that you’re just too damn convenient and beneficial for this man to dare let you walk away. We all see women everyday who basically are the mothers to the men they are with, except sexual benefits are included. They take care of everything, carry the financial burden, and allow the man to get away with way too much. He can cheat on her, disrespect her and break her mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Yet, because he insists that he wants to be with you when you’re ready to leave you actually allow yourself to believe “he loves you”. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t do half the things, I just listed. He wouldn’t wait until you’re ready to leave to finally step up his game, because his heart would weigh heavy on him when he brought you to distress. A man who loves his woman cannot continuously watch his woman in pain and be ok with it. Some situations are not this extreme but the principle remains the same. He keeps you around and fights for you because you’re his meal ticket, and why let that go.


Love has nothing to do with it, and a woman needs to be honest with herself and not continue to feed herself a lie due to her fear of a failed relationship. At the end of the day I, nor does anyone else, have all the facts to your situation. So our opinions are somewhat limited. I do know somebody that does have all the facts, and that’s GOD. So when you’re in a situation where you really don’t know where you stand with your partner, lean on GOD’s guidance. Because believe me, that man can and will say whatever is necessary to keep his benefits going, but GOD will only tell you to do what is beneficial for YOU.

Its Finally Here!!.......Well kinda.

So I finally received the first copy of my book, and it looks very nice if I may say so myself : ). It feels good to get to this point because there were moments where I questioned if I would ever get this done. I knew for a long time that writing a book was something I should do and was blessed with the ability to make happen. Unfortunately the distractions of life, procrastination, and sometimes flat out laziness caused there to be a delay in making this happen. I'm here now though, and I'm proud but I'm not ready to celebrate. I didn't set out on this journey so I can simply say I did it. I took on this task because I truly believe its what GOD has called me to do, and I want to do what I can to improve to current state of relationships. Of course there is the money incentive that comes along with this, but I'm not worried about that because I know it will come. I just hope that I can reach a lot of people and contribute to making a difference. Making a lot of money without having a positive impact on society makes the money less valuable. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to take the money (i have bills to pay people) but it wouldn't be as fulfilling.


With that said, if you have something your working on or has been an idea stuck in your head for a long time now, pray about it. If you feel GOD is telling you to do it, then its time to stop the excuses and make it happen. Don't let fear hinder you from accomplishing whatever it is you were called to do. If GOD signed of on it, then trust that its in your best interest to pursue it and it will be as successful as it needs to be.


You can look to order my book from my site Relationship Expert Stephan Labossiere in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, enjoy the blog and always feel free to leave me comments and feedback. Have a blessed day.

It Can Happen In Any Family

So I have decided to start a blog. I figured it was the best thing to do to help promote my upcoming book as well as give readers an opportunity to get to know me and my thoughts better. With that said, I wasn’t sure what I should make this first blog post about. So many options to choose from, but I decided I would make it about something I feel is extremely important and needs to be discussed more often: Sexual Abuse. I feel as if this is a major issue that happens a lot more than we realize. Studies show that 1 out of every 4 girls will be sexually abused before she turns 18. That’s not even including how often it happens on the male side. It is such an unfortunate thing, but we make it worse by not creating an environment that allows victims to speak out.


I personally have never been abused, but I have heard so many stories, and have met so many people that have unfortunately experienced this. We need to talk to each other and especially our children about this issue more often. We should not turn a blind eye and assume that this could never happen in your family. Studies show that more than 90% of the abusers are people the victim knows, loves, or trusts. Also, understand that this is not just about children. There are adults also being sexually abused, and this also is unfortunate and unacceptable. I don’t have the cure for this problem, but I do acknowledge that by talking more about the subject and being open to the idea that this can happen to anybody can help in possibly reducing the frequency of this crime. At the least it can help give victims the strength to speak out, thus beginning the healing process from this traumatizing experience. For more information on Sexual Abuse awareness you can go to www.darknesstolight.org and take a step towards educating yourself, your children, and your families on this very important issue.